How To Seduce Someone With Confidence

We are never as shy and gauche as we are when attempting to seduce someone we deeply like. The thought of someone this perfect coming to take an interest in us seems at once tantalizing and entirely implausible. We develop vertigo and, too often, fall. Behind our insecurity lie two Continue Reading

Why You Shouldn’t Trust Your Feelings

It’s easy to grow up with a sense that our feelings are reliable guides to ourselves, the people around us, and the world at large. We can call this optimistic thesis the ‘clear pane’ theory of the mind, iImplying that we are able to look out onto the world pretty Continue Reading

Confidence

What often distinguishes fulfilled from unfulfilled lives is an ingredient that’s not part of the educational curriculum, and that can sound vague, silly, and Californian in the bad sense. Confidence It’s humbling to realize just how many great achievements haven’t been the result of superior talent or technical know-how, merely Continue Reading

How To Be Confident

In well-meaning attempts to boost our confidence ahead of challenging moments, people often try to draw our attention to our strengths: our intelligence, our competence, our experience. But this can – curiously – have some awkward consequences. There’s a type of under-confidence that arises specifically when we grow too attached Continue Reading

How to Understand Sexiness

When it comes to sex, we are – in theory – living in wildly liberated times. So you’d think it would easy to feel at ease owning up to certain sorts of sexual desires. But for most of us, the world doesn’t actually feel that generous about fetishes. It’s very Continue Reading

How To Know Yourself

Many of us are wandering the earth, accomplished in many ways, capable of fulfillment at points, but with a fundamental wound that stops us from becoming who we might be: we don’t quite know who we are.It isn’t, of course, that we can’t remember the basics of our biographies. We’re Continue Reading

Why It’s Useful to Think of Yourself As a Sinner

One of the strangest ideas bequeathed to us by religion is the notion that it might be wise and socially beneficial to think of ourselves as being, every one of us, sinners. This seems, at first glance, both patently untrue – and deeply unhelpful. The vast majority of us have Continue Reading

What Is Your Attachment Style?

One of the greatest questionnaires in the history of 20th-century psychology had a modest start in the pages of a local Colorado newspaper The Rocky Mountain News in July 1985. The work of two University of Denver psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver, the questionnaire asked readers to identify which Continue Reading

How to Approach Strangers at a Party

A party at the house of a friend, eleven o’clock, on a still-warm evening. A metre away from you, a group of people are chatting animatedly. Someone is telling an anecdote, it might be something about a train ride they took or the mishaps on someone’s bicycle, and their companions Continue Reading

What Do Cynical People Really Want?

In certain quarters, cynicism has a distinct kind of glamour. It sounds pretty tough not to have too many hopes, and to claim to be able to see through the dreams of others. Cynics will tell you that everyone is selfish and weak, that the system is rigged and driven Continue Reading